The Era -- Day By Day

[Farace]

All these mentions of “One Meatball” the past several weeks or so, and I’ve been somewhat surprised that in sixty-plus years I don’t recall ever hearing it. So today I finally looked it up. Surprised at just how many versions there are. My partner heard it, and she was faintly familiar with it, and got the idea that we should cover it. So at rehearsal today, she introduced it to the rest of our jazz band.

i want you to know that this is all your fault.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("Hey," heys Alice, staring intently across the dinner table at Willie. "Dijoo jus' cawff?" "Guess so," shrugs Willie, frowning dubiously at a forkful of something made from macaronii, bread crumbs, and liquid beef extract. "You cawffin' a lawt?" demands Alice, her eyes widening. "He's cawffin', Siddy!" "Yeh," nods Krause, glancing at the boy and pointedly gulping his own forkful of glop. "I ain' cawffin' too much," squirms Willie. "We gawtta do sum'pn, Siddy," flails Alice. "It could be t'polio. It's goin' aroun'again, it's right t'eh inna papeh." "I ain' gawt no polio, Ma," sighs Willie. "I jus' cawffed, t''at's awl." "It's t 'aieh down'eeh," sputters Alice. "We gotta get'im outta t'city f't'summeh, Siddy. T'es polio an' soot an' stink an' 'ee's breat'in' it awl in. Y'lnow what we gawtta do, we gawtta sen' i'm t'camp." "Lottie Schriebstein's goin' t'camp," notes Willie. "T"at'sa goil's camp," dismisses Alice. "We gawtta sen' i'm t'boys camp, a'nee c'n run aroun'a woods an' not get no polio -- an' -- whatta t'ey do in camp anyways?" 'I dunno," admits Willie. "Unk' Joe was inna Awrmy camp, izzit like t'at?" "Izzit, Siddy?" queries Alice. "Eh," ehs Krause, scraping the last of the substance on his plate onto his fork. ''Izzeh betteh food?wonders Willie. "Maybe I awta go t'camp." You awta," nods Alice. "An'nen y'won' be pickin' up none'a t'at wise-guy stuff fr'm Leonoreh." "Heh," hehs Krause, as Willie reluctantly cleans his plate...)

("He's got soom naaarve," fumes Uncle Frank. "A fifty paaarcent int'rest." "He's a smaaart boy," chuckles Ma. "Well," mutters Uncle Frank, "Oi doon't loike it. It was me own idearr, an' aaahl Oi'm goona get oot'v it is twenty-foive parcent." "Hoomooch money are ye poot'n into it?" queries Ma. "Oi ain't exactly poot'n no cash," admits Uncle Frank. "Lowrey's poot'n oop -- a few dollars, an' Solly's got --" "Soo what AAARE ye poot'n oop?" "Real estate," mumbles Uncle Frank. "Th' warehoose oot in th' Flatlan's." "That oold baaarn?" sputters Ma. "An' soom oothar..." wheedles Uncle Frank, beads appearing on his forehead. "What oothar?" demands Ma. "Well, now Nora," exhales Uncle Frank, "Oi been thinkin'. They say these days that maaaaaariage is a paaartnarrship. An' that bein' soo, it occaaaars t'me that you moit..." "OOOOOOH NO," roars Ma, slamming her palm down on the counter. "Ye ain't gittin' no maaaaartgage aaahn me staaaar." "We'd pay it oof in a few..." "I oon this buildin' free an' clear," scowls Ma, "an' Oi had t' waaaark me head to th' bone t' do it. An' oi AIN'T aboot t'poot it intarr hock so you c'n goo chasin' ye willar-th'-wisp." "It caaaan't miss, Nora," pleads Uncle Frank. "Oi thaaat'chee was goon'ta oopen a dress shaaap," frowns Ma, "with thaaat fellar Moozawhoozis." "Oi can doo that too," sputters Uncle Frank, "boot Saaaaaargent Solly's Saaaarploos is goona be th' biggest thing we ivvar gaaaht into." "What aboot'chee ploombin' business," demands Ma. "Th' boys can roon that," dismisses Uncle Frank. "That's a roit laugharrr," snorts Ma. "James makin' coo oyes at Barbara Scanlan, an' Daniel -- incidentally, wharr IS Daniel?" "Oh," stumbles Uncle Frank. "Oi farrgot ahhl aboot..." "Noo whar yee roon'in aaahf too?" demands Ma as Uncle Frank grabs his hat and heads for the door. "Redeemin' soomthin' oota coold staaarage,," yells Uncle Frank as the door bangs shut behind him...)

(Now Butch, don't let them get under your skin, you've only got four and a half months to go...)

(The sad thing is, they really do believe what they say.)

(Another chance for a tripleheader!)

(Ahhh, what's a little attempted murder among friends. Ella's the least sentimental character in comics.)

(SAP.)

(Honeychile learned to kick like that when she was in the chorus in "Hellzapoppin!"

(Sorry Don it didn't work out, you've been sold to the Phillies.)

(AMERICA"S NUMBER ONE HERO DOG vs -- um -- a river shark? Is there such a thing as a river shark?)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

"Everyone has considered Paris a rear area since the liberation."

Kids Today.

"Yeah, we'll keep an eye on him, but can we at least open a window?"

"I suppose I could work with that other dog if I had to. 'Bo and Sandy.' No, it'd have to be 'Sandy and Bo.' No, it'd have to be 'Sandy.' Would we even need him at all?"

Subways do bring out the best in people.

Hey, at least you *got* a train.

Remember when Pat, Captain Blaze, and April outwitted Singh-Singh by having April dress up like a lunatic and swing from the ceiling like a monkey? You think she'd do that now?

Well, at least it isn't ONE MEAT BALL!

A good business plan must cover every eventuality.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And also...

Well now, imagine that.

Die.

1945 has been a very strange year. Who would imagine Lippy and the Meathead would have this much in common?

 

[Fading Fast]

"New Halsey Blow on Tap, **** Hint: Says 150 U.S.-British Warship Refueled for Another Strike."

Why are they not surrendering?

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"An'nen y'won' be pickin' up none'a t'at wise-guy stuff fr'm Leonoreh."



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"Oi ain't exactly poot'n no cash,"

Uh-huh.

I'm so glad Solly isn't letting Frank take him to the cleaners. I'm not even worried that Ma would mortgage the store for this. Maybe they'll make some money, but it seems to me that supply is going to quickly outstrip demand, so the first sellers need to be fast, nimble, and not plow all the profits back into more supply - that's all just a guess.

********************************************************************

"I suppose I could work with that other dog if I had to. 'Bo and Sandy.' No, it'd have to be 'Sandy and Bo.' No, it'd have to be 'Sandy.' Would we even need him at all?"

"Maybe, and I'm just saying 'maybe,' I'd consider 'Sandy and friends.' I still think 'Little Orphan Sandy' is the ticket. We already have the infrastructure in place. And as much as I like the curly-haired kid, she did hog a lot of panel space and her ego could get out of hand at times."

*********************************************************************

Remember when Pat, Captain Blaze, and April outwitted Singh-Singh by having April dress up like a lunatic and swing from the ceiling like a monkey? You think she'd do that now?

That was one of Caniff's more bizarre plot resolutions. I can still see that image of whacked-out April in my head.

**********************************************************************

Well now, imagine that.

That's awkward.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("T'is hot weat'eh," groans Alice, fanning herself with a section of Eagle as she stretches out in a Davega sunsuit on the stoop. "It's moideh." "Helluva day t'run outa ice," grouses Sally, in faded seersucker. "Ice com'pny don' d'liveh on Sunday, Joe wen'oveh t' Schreibstein's an' bummed a hunk, but t' milk sperlt just'a same. Fois' t'ing we'eh get'n when'na wawr's oveh is a 'letric 'frigehrateh." "We was gonna go t'Coney," sighs Alice, "but I do'want Willie gett'n s'posed'ta polio. We'eh t'inkin'a se'nnin' 'im t'camp." "Yo'tta sen'im t' Camp Wo-Chi-Ca. 'Soveh'rin Joisey." "Whassat," queries Alice. "Some Indian t'ing? Awlem summeh camps is run by Indians, ain'ney? T'ey awl got Indian names, anyways. I bet Willie'd like t'meet a real Indian." 'It ain' Indian," explains Sally. "It means WO-ikeh's CHI-l'ren's CA-mp, get it? I read about it inna Daily Woikeh." "Oh," ohs Alice. "One 'a - um -- t'em kin'a -- " "It's great," enthuses Sally. "Y'gotta b'lawng t'wa union t'sen' ya kids, an'ney loin awl kin'sa stuff. It's whatchacawl edjehcational an' y'know,, socially significan'." "I t'ink Willie'd rat'eh meet Indians," demurs Alice. "You gonna sen' Leonoreh?" "She ain' old enough," shrugs Sally "But in a few yeehs, I bet I c'n tawk Joe in'twit. Y'know, Paul Robeson goes out t'eh sometimes, sings t't' kids. I woul'n min' hee'rin'at myself." "He don' sing 'One Meat Bawl," does 'e?" inquires Alice. "T"at's kin'va -- whatchacawl it, social signfican' sawng, ain' it? T'pooeh lit'l guy's hung'ry an' he don' even get no bread wit' 'is meat bawl." "Huh," huhs Sally. "I neveh toughta t'at. Y'got a pernt'." "Kin'a feel sawry f'rim," sighs Alice. "Jeez, it suehr'is hawt." "Helluva day," exhales Sally, "t'run out'v ice.....")

("Barbara!" snaps Ma, entering the store to discover Bink Scanlan teetering on the top of a stepladder, poking at the stuck ceiling fan with her broom handle. "Get DOON from tharr this instant!" "T'fan don' woik," protests Bink. "You'd knoo soomthin' aboot not waaarkin," retorts Ma. "Get doon oof thar befarr ye faal off. Th' vaaaary oidear, dancin' aroond on steplaaaders in yarr ****dition!" "Oh," ohs Bink, dropping the broom to the floor, ****ing a cloud of dust from its brush end as she stumbles down the ladder. "Well," she adds, "it's hawt inneeh. I tried stickin' me head inna ice cream freezeh an' I gawt dizzy." "That had noothin' t'do with th' oice cream freezer," scowls Ma. "And doon'chee be gettin' hair in me oice cream." "Sawry," shrugs Bink. "Um, is it awright if I leave oily t'day? Danny wants t'go t'Coney." "Daniel?" protests Ma. "Jimmy don'wanna go t'Coney," shrugs Bink. "Ye stay away fr'm ****ey," commands Ma. "Ye goo in that daaarty waatarr an' catch a d'sease -- in yaaaar ****dition.." "Izzeh ANYT'ING I can do," wails Bink, "in me CONDITION??" "Ye can," directs Ma, shoving the broom at her, "sweep th' staaaar." "T'is ain' no fun," grumbles Bink. "Ye hav' nooo oidear," glares Ma....)

(Hey, where's MY prize????)

(Quick, check his shoe for a safety-deposit key.)

(Come now, Bugs, we've seen your movies. You'll get a lot of good use out of it.)

(HEY KIDS COMICS!)

(Aren't you cold?)

(Hey, is there something going on this week that I don't know about? If we see Mary Worth in her scanties next, I will scream.)

(Well, at least she's got her clothes on.)

(Well, at least SHE's got her clothes on.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

If you get married in Reno do you get some kind of a coupon deal on the divorce?

"Noo ye see?" enthuses Uncle Frank. "Aaapartoonity."

How about those little boxes of cereal where you pour the milk right into the box?

Well, at least she's beat the housing shortage.

WELL NOW WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS.

So many problems could be avoided if people would just read the fine print.

Not being able to actually hear Walt's cheesy Swedish accent really detracts from the experience. And Downwind's just begging for a spot on Page Four.

"Too gaudy." -- Mozelewski.

Only because they don't take women in the Foreign Legion.

If you're going to be the comedy relief you've got to have the moves.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And also...

As we were saying just the other day...

 

[Fading Fast]

"Surrender At Once, Japan Warned By U.S.: Sees 'Virtual Destruction' As Alternative."

Why are they not surrendering?

*****************************************************************

Hey, where's MY prize????

You'd be right up there.

*****************************************************************

Hey, is there something going on this week that I don't know about? If we see Mary Worth in her scanties next, I will scream.

Do comicstrips have sweeps weeks?

*****************************************************************

"Noo ye see?" enthuses Uncle Frank. "Aaapartoonity."

He should be there trying to buy parts for that piece-of-garbage truck of his.

******************************************************************

WELL NOW WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS.

Gray needed a deus ex machine to get out of this one. And, as you noted, look at who's not dead!

"So I guess this means no 'Little Orphan Sandy,' but you just saw how good my screen test was going until it was interrupted by that car. Well, I guess I'm glad the kid will be all right."

********************************************************************

As we were saying just the other day...

Good writer, but his lens for seeing the world is pure red. It's interesting to see how it colors everything he observes – just like my views do to me and just like everyone's views do to everyone.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("T'ey don' puncha hole innis tin can," swelters Sally, "I'm gonna do it myself. How'c'ney let t'ese trains run wit'out fixin'em stupid fans?" "S'on'y gonna get woise," laments Alice, swabbing her forehead with her bandana. Leas' Willie's gonna get away f'm it f'ra coupla weeks." "You signed 'im up f'camp?" queries Sally. "Yeh," nods Alice. "T'is friend'a Misteh G runs'is camp upstate, up'teh by Beah Mountain. Y'know, w'eh t'Dodgehs had spring trainin'. 'Scawl't -- uh -- Camp -- uh -- Chin-Atch-Gook." "'S'from a book," nods Sally. "We read it at Erasmus. 'Lasta T'Mohicans.' See, Chin'achgook izzis Indian, he's friens wit'tis guy name'a Natty Bumppo, an'..." "Ya makin'at up," scoffs Alice." "T'at's 'is name," insists Sally. "Natty Bumppo." "Ain'ee," ventures Alice, "one'a t' Mawrx Brot'ehs? You know, t'one quit t'be a agent?" "T'at's Zeppo," snickers Sally. "It is?" huhs Alice. "Well, t'ey should'a brung in'nis Bumppo guy t'r'place 'im. Anyways, t'is frien'a Misteh G's ain' even gonna chawrge us nut'n." "How'ja swing'nat?" marvels Sally. "Siddy's gonna go t'camp too," declares Alice. "He's gonna be whatcha cawl a counseleh, an' steada gett'n paid, Willie gets'ta go t'camp f'free. Siddy was inna Awrmy inna las' wawr, y'know so 'e knows awlabout campin'. I'm gonna buy 'im a whistle an'na sweatshoit, anna paiehra t'em shawrt pants t'ey weh." "I wawnna see t'at," gapes Sally. "I wondeh," ponders Alice, "if I oughteh hang up a coupla stawrs inna windeh whenney go....")

("Oi gaaaht a loine," declares Uncle Frank, "aaahn a troockload'a waatarmelons. Oi joost need t'raise some capital." "Waaatarmelons," grumbles Ma. "What ivvar happn'ta waar saaarploos?" "Oh, we're still gooin' ahead with that," declares Uncle Frank. "Solly an' me aaar gooin' doon'ta Philadelphia next week t'look oovar a load a' autamoobile paarts." "Ye doon't know noothin," disdains Ma, "aboot autamoobile paaarts." "Oi've ooned that ****** troock far twenty yearrs," sighs Uncle Frank, "and Oi've had t'replace ivvry paaart aaahn it." "An' noo ye goin' t'lood it oop with watarrmelons," snickers Ma. "They'll goo aaahl raaaahten be'foor ye get it oota th' g'rage." "We ain't gooin' t'use me troock," declares Uncle Frank, "Waaar gooin' t'lood th' wataaarmelons aaahn Shaughnessy's bootchar troock. It's gaaaht whatchee caall yarr insulated coompartment. We'll lood in soom oice, an' poot in th'wataaarmelons, an' awauy we'll goo." "Wharrr," eyerolls Ma, "do ye plan oon gett'n th' oice?" Uncle Frank exhales. "Oi'll BUY th' oice," he growls. "As soon as I raise me capital. Thin Oi'll buy th' wataaarmelons ahhn credit, an' sell'm an' pay oota that, an' take me praaahfit." "Hoo laaang's th' oice goona keep," argues Ma, "if it's noinety degrees ootsoide." Uncle Frank blinks. "Ye knoo ye praaahblem, Nora?" he frowns. "Ye gaaaht noooo vision....")

(Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...)

(Ripped from the headlines!)

(You know, you really need to have a cartoon of the Cardinals Horror Mask. And (whisper) there's nothing wrong with Manager McCarthy that putting the cap back on the bottle of White Horse wouldn't solve.)

(Don't worry, Mother Dear will help you invest.)

("Comic Comics." Well that's a change.)

(Insert "wacky" chase music.)

("If I walk around with this pipe in my mouth all the time people will think I'm Pat Ryan...")

("Hey, this bone's wearing a Bulova!")

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

It wasn't just the tie. He didn't have his pocket flaps buttoned either.


"Nun Sues Steak King On Wife's Estate???" And that's not on the front page???????

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

What could he have possibly been interested in?

I hope Punj remembered to pack the rug.

Mmmm, campfire cooking.

Uncle Walt is having alot of fun with this new Swedish dialect of his.

HEART ATTACK CLAIMS LOCAL IDIOT

Hey, Shad, whatever happened to Rita the Riveter?

Children Learn What They Live.

 

[Fading Fast]

"Allied Fleet Renews Assault Upon Japan: Spearheads Rips Tokyo Bay and Bonin Targets."

Why are they not surrendering?

****************************************************************

"Siddy's gonna go t'camp too,"

Is he using his vacation time? Who's gonna take care of the tenement while he's away?

*****************************************************************

"Hey, this bone's wearing a Bulova!"

Nice, Lizzie.

*****************************************************************

It wasn't just the tie. He didn't have his pocket flaps buttoned either.

Back in the 1990s in NYC when a relatively small number of restaurants still had dress codes, most of them kept a bunch of ties in the coat check room that they'd let a customer borrow for the time they were there. Some even had several navy sport coats in various sizes for the same reason.

******************************************************************

"Nun Sues Steak King On Wife's Estate???" And that's not on the front page???????

And the steakhouse in question is still operating under the same name and out of the same location to this day.

********************************************************************

Uncle Walt is having alot of fun with this new Swedish dialect of his.

Lizzie, I hate to be a pest, but since I was confused by today's strip, I went back to Monday and noticed we missed that day's "Gasoline Alley." Any chance you could post it (or summarize it). Thank you.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Which date? In 1945, today is Monday, yesterday was Sunday, where we saw Uncle Walt unfurling his dialect at the beach to fool that brawny lifeguard who bothered him the previous Sunday. If you mean the Saturday strip that ran on 2025 Monday, here 'tis!

Brownie's a welsher and we all know it.

 

[Fading Fast]

Which date? In 1945, today is Monday, yesterday was Sunday, where we saw Uncle Walt unfurling his dialect at the beach to fool that brawny lifeguard who bothered him the previous Sunday. If you mean the Saturday strip that ran on 2025 Monday, here 'tis!

View attachment 718897
Brownie's a welsher and we all know it.

My bad, I'm sorry for not being clear – Saturday July 21, 1945. And yes, this ⇧ is it.

Thank you, Lizzie.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("T'at rat Bilbo," fumes Sally, "ain' hoid nut'n yet. Wait'll I get done wit'im." "I t'ought you wasn' gonna do t'at no moeh," sighs Alice. "I t'ought since Joe come home you was gonna, like Docteh Levine said, y'know, set'l down...""Joe wen'oveh t'eh an' gawt messed up inna head fight'n agains'at masteh-race gawrbage," growls Sally. "An' now it's my toin." "Sal," exhales Alice. "You ain' gonna do nut'n like get awn a train an'..." "Don'be stupid," snaps Sally. "Y'can't get no train nowadays." "I ain' gonna drive ya, Sal," insists Alice. "Awla time y'get t'at look in ya eye, y'wawn' me t'drive ya someplace innat rotten ol' truck, an' I ain' gonna do it. Nawt'is time." Sally glares at her friend for a long moment. "No," she finally sighs. "Butcha k'n help me write a letteh." "I ain' no writeh," argues Alice. "You know a lotta good woids t'ough," contents Sally. "I hoidja say'nm at woik whennat flooeh manageh gives ya lip. You t'row some out, an' I'll routine 'em." "You c'n get in trouble f'usin'em woids inna mail," warns Alice. "If he'c'n use'a woids HE used inna mail," concludes Sally, "I guess maybe t'mail c'n take what *I* got t'say...")

("Nothink to worry," assures Mr. Ginsburg. "Mine friend Freund that runs the camp. His own bus he has. In style you'll ride." "An'nez a lake?" enthuses Willie. "A lake with fish," declares Mr. G. "Big fish, like your arm." "His awrm ain' so big," disputes Leonora. "An' who wawnts a fish anyways. What c'n ya do wit' a fish." "Y'can EAT it," declares Willie. "A fish also," adds Mr. Ginsburg, "you can smoke." "I neveh seen nobody smoke a fish," snickers Leonora. "I seen Unca Frank try t'smoke a Tootsie Roll. But nobody smokes a fish." "For lunch today," notes Mr. Ginsburg, "a smoked fish you had." Leonora considers this argument. "Well, I wouldn' smoke no fish if I had a fish," contends Leonora. "I'd put 'im in a bowl an' I'd name 'im Uncle Inky. Cause 'e's gawt a face like a fish, cept a fish ain' gawt no moustache." "I'm glad," sighs Willie, "YOU ain' goin' t'camp." "I'm gonna have a lawt moeh fun'en you anyways," snips Leonora. "Me an' my fish." "She ain' gawt no fish," argues Willie. "Does she?" "With her," shrugs Mr. Ginsburg, "who can tell?")

("Barbara!" rasps Ma. "Oi'll naaaht have sooch language in me stoor!" "Well," shrugs Bink, "he prob'ly couldn' do it anyways...")

(Why doesn't Hard Hitting Tommy Holmes of Brooklyn PLAY for Brooklyn??? Why doesn't Writing Tommy Holmes investigate????)

(Sigh. If all my living relatives chipped in together they couldn't bequeath me the first installment on the lawyer's bill.)

(Whatever became of Angel Varden?)

(Have you checked Page Four?)

(You really should take this act on the road.)

("Dumb puppy! There's no good meat on the heads!")

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...


Yorkville? Try Valley Stream.

KIDS TODAY

"I stood by and held Punjab's coat."

Hey, it's Mr. Coffee Nerves!

"Ahhh, in those uniforms they all look alike..."

Of course it feels cool, there's no blood circulation up there.

Oooooh boy. At least it's not Wilmer.

Everything boils down to public relations.

If Chili didnt hunch down like that all the time, she'd be six feet tall.

Future Chairman Of The Board.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Worker...

To be fair to Mr. McCarthy, working for Larry MacPhail would drive anybody to drink.

 

[Fading Fast]

"Dive Bomber Battle Jap Fleet and Air Force: Kure Naval Base Blasted as Fight Rages for 12 Hours."

Why are they not surrendering?

********************************************************************

Why doesn't Hard Hitting Tommy Holmes of Brooklyn PLAY for Brooklyn???

Same thought.

********************************************************************

"Dumb puppy! There's no good meat on the heads!"

Dear God, Lizzie.

********************************************************************

If Chili didnt hunch down like that all the time, she'd be six feet tall.

Carl Ed has now spent, what?, two weeks without a real storyline. Give us something, man.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("An' t'en I say, 'my husban' is half Lit'uanian an' half Russian, an' me? I'm awl Brooklyn Irish, an' don'cha f'get it. An'nat makes oueh little goil fifty p'cent Irish, twenny-five p'cent Lit'uanian, twenny-five p'cent Russian an' one hunne't p'cent American. An' oueh neighbehs inna buildin' is Irish an' Jewish an' Goiman an' I-talian, an' ya know what? We awl get alawng. We'd awl go t't'mat fightin' f'reach o'teh 'gainsta stinkin' likes'a you. An' if you wawna write me a letteh back an' say 'Deeh Mick,' well, what'hell kin'a name is 'Bilbo.' What boat did youeh ol' man come ov'eh'eeh stowed away awn? T'ezza new woil' comin', an'awla grubby litt'l rats like you can't do nut'n t'stawp it, so jus' do t'woil' a faveh an' dry up. Youehs wit' no respeck at awl, Sally Aileen Sweeney Petrauskas, Brooklyn USA.'" "T'at's a pretty hot letteh," nods Alice. "You show it t'Joe?" "Yeh," sighs Sally. "He said I oughta take out 'drawp dead' an' put in 'dry up.' He says he do'wanno trouble wit' t' FBI." "Joe's a smawrt guy," exhales Alice. "He ain' no writeh t'ough," frowns Sally. "What if I put 'do t'woil'a faveh an' --- no, I guess t' FBI won' like nutn' about layin' down in fron'v'a train neit'eh. Y'know, writin's hawrd woik. I dunno how people do it f'ra livin'." "Yeh," sighs Alice...)

("Thaaat Magistrate Solooman's got a good head aaahn i's neck," affirms Ma. "Thim juke boxes aaaara menace. Ye can't walk doon Rogarrs Avenarr noo maar withoot'chee hear 'em blastin' aboot meat baaahls. Ahhl thim cheap rest'raaants." "Y'know whatcha awtta do, Ma," offers Joe. "Y'evveh t'ink'a putt'n in food 'eeh? Not jus' ice cream, I mean -- y'know, hamboigehs, san'wiches, soup, stuff like'at. Make it a reg'leh lunchroom." "Oi'm noo shaaaart aaardar cook," dismisses Ma. "B'soides, we gaaaht noo room." "Eh," ehs Joe. "Y'gawt room back'eeh t'put a grill." "Hm," hms Ma. 'Yeh," nods Joe. "Who's goona cook?" queries Ma. "Oi wouldn' troost Barbara t'sloice bread. A week'v it an' Oi'd naaht have a knoife in th' place." "I was a cook," reminds Joe. "In -- you know, when I was --" "Ah," ahs Ma. "Ah," agrees Joe...)

("Steel tubin'?" frowns Uncle Frank. "Coppar's bettarr." "No, but'cha c'n SELL t' steel tubin'," notes Solly. "Toin it aroun' fast, an' build'ja capital. So whenna jeeps an' radios an' *****s an' awla stuff y'really wawn comes up, ya t'at much ahead. T'ezza lawtta good stuff 'eeh, we oughta go take a look. Whyncha wieh Lowrey t'night, see'fee c'n advance a few t'ousan'. An'nen getcha boys t'clean out t'at waehhouse ya gawt, we'eh gonna need some place t'put awlis stuff." "Now joost a minute," sputters Uncle Frank. "Whoo's roonin' this oparration?" Solly grins and fishes a half dollar out of his pocket and places it on the desk. He then produces two quarters and does likewise. "Any moeh questions?" he smiles. "Ah," ahs Uncle Frank....)

(Hey, maybe Bilbo will fall into a shell hole.)

(Third is better than seventh but first is better than third.)

(Yeahhhhhh it always comes down to THAT.)

(Well, that's what you get for wearing wedgies on a cobblestone path.)

(Never mind Mamie Mullins, it's Honeychile who should go into rasslin'!)

("I pay no attention to clothing.")

(No, but they're often found in secluded rivers outside town. Find any slot machine parts?)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

"I'm sorry, sir, we're also out of socks, but could I interest you in a bottle of liquid stockings?"

And remember, fellas, you gotta rinse 'em out in the bathroom sink every night.

Don't forget to bring the rug!

Like you can get vegetables.

Oh, Min....

Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you Mr. Facey?

The Propaganda War.

Public appearances are the key to a successful campaign.

"Twelve actually, and I won them in a **** game."

I knew her knees would give out eventually...